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How to be more stressed.

February 1, 2010

The ‘Little Book Of Calm’ is bullshit. It’s a well known fact that being stressed is much better for you than being calm. Here are some easy steps to make you and others around you that little bit more stressed.

  1. Cultivate an annoying voice: People can close their eyes but they can’t close their ears.
  2.  Buy all your shoes one size too small
  3. Find out when your friends ‘ favourite TV programme is on. Ring them 7 minutes after it starts.
  4. Always join in other peoples arguments. Try to get other people to join in too.
  5. Put empty cartons of milk back in the fridge.
  6. Write down all of your problems. Read the list before going to bed.
  7. Recognise your limitations. Ignore them.
  8. In the supermarket deface all the bar codes of your shopping so they won’t scan.
  9. Spend all your money on small expensive things that are very easy to lose.
  10. Make war. Not love.
  11. Always make sure you have the last word. Try to make that word ‘dickhead’.
  12. Keep up with the Joneses. Learn the names of everyone on your street. Keep up with them too.
  13. Apply for jobs you won’t get. Hoard all the rejection letters and read them when you start to feel good about yourself.

 Excerpts from ‘The Little Book Of Stress’: “Rohan Candappa shows you how to increase your stress levels and create stress in others”

One Comment leave one →
  1. February 3, 2010 2:31 pm

    Lol, hilarious!

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